Specialties
Anger
Anger is a legitimate emotion that serves a function: it warns us that something is hurting us or that a limit has been crossed. The problem appears when it shows up disproportionately, when it's hard to manage, or when it ends up harming your relationships or your own wellbeing.
When anger becomes a problem
Not all anger requires therapy: feeling angry in the face of an injustice is a healthy response. The difficulty appears when anger is triggered easily, is more intense than the situation warrants, or is directed inward (harsh self-criticism) or outward (frequent conflict) in a way that creates more problems than it solves.
It can also show up as anger held in for a long time, which suddenly explodes over minor situations, or as background irritability that makes everything harder than it needs to be.
Where it usually comes from
Poorly managed anger is often linked to difficulty expressing other emotions (sadness, fear, frustration) directly, to an accumulation of unresolved situations, or to having learned that getting angry is the only effective way to be heard.
It can also be related to injustice perceived repeatedly in some area of life, or to a very high level of demand towards yourself or towards others.
When might it be time to seek help?
- When anger appears with an intensity that doesn't match the situation.
- If it's hard to express anger without it turning into a bigger conflict.
- When held-in anger ends up suddenly exploding, towards yourself or towards others.
- If you notice anger is damaging relationships that are important to you.
How we work on anger in therapy
- We explore together which situations trigger your anger and what's behind it: which need isn't being heard.
- We work on ways to express anger and set limits directly and proportionately, without anger needing to build up or explode.
- The goal is for you to relate to this emotion in a more functional way, without it damaging your relationships or your own wellbeing.
Frequently asked questions about anger
Does going to therapy mean I'll stop getting angry?
No, the goal isn't to eliminate anger, which is a useful emotion, but to learn to express and manage it in a way that doesn't harm you or your relationships.
Can anger hide other emotions?
Often, yes: sadness, fear or frustration that aren't expressed can come out as anger. In therapy we explore what's really behind your anger.
Is therapy useful if my anger only shows up in one specific area, like work?
Yes, it's common for anger to concentrate in one specific area. The process adapts to your situation and to the contexts where it's hardest for you to manage it.
Want to work on anger?
Write to me and let's talk, with no obligation, about your specific situation.